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EmilyNumair
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Name: Whitney
Country: United States
State: Alaska
Birthday: 10/23/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: Books, poems, blank paper, love triumphing over evil, my piano, my guitar, my friends, a good mix CD when I'm angry/hurt and John Mayer on blustery days.
Expertise: Screwing things up because I'm so reserved...and up tight and really just scared to death of living.
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
MSN: battlefieldbandfan@hotmail.com
Member Since:
2/19/2004
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| I'm freezing. Wearing a cami under a t-shirt with a heavy wool sweater in the library and I'm freezing. It's not even that cold outside...what is wrong with me? I don't understand what makes me so cold, all the time, but there must be something. Maybe it has to do with this....
Today an early disagreement colored everything and everyone here around me disagreeable. It's all like dust that's been dusturbed and made airborne tickling my nose and stinging my eyes. I don't want to be touched, so I scoot away and contract uncomfortable positions to avoid people around me. My whole body is buzzing restlessly and touch makes me tense, staples me to the ground instead of letting me hover endlesslesly above ground or chair. This happens sometimes and I think I like it - I think it's how I regenerate a constant feeling of content. Instead of caving in on myself, I enter into a private tryst with myself in the alternate earth of my mind, that part of the mind that holds knowledge of other times and traditions and I become a part of those things. When it's really bad here I go there. "Bad" conitates so much extensive meaning - bad could constitute a decision between two good things, it all just depends. Everything in life depends - I wish life was a story in a book and that it always ended well. I guess it is, but I just don't know the happy ending yet only in life you can't read ahead. So i'll go now, reading my life line by line at a pace which infuriates me but is best in the end. Only God knows why every person or event enters my life...I'll never know, regardless of how hard I wish. And that's when I quit wishing and just read. | | |
| well it sure has been a while hasn't it. The only reason i'm actually on here is because I'm sick and thus home from skiing. The ski race on saturday was terrible. half of the varsity girls (including myself) were a minute late starting and then I didn't have any kick so the classic half didn't go to well. Then I fell on the sheet ice up on spencer's loop and lost five spots in the race. so all in all it was terrible. that's all. | | |
| - 8battle of the bands last night was...AWESOME. it could have been better, but it was still a blast. as much as i complained, it was cool to see T. Pargeter and it was fun to hear all the bands making a go at it. and it was VERY nice to see Steven and Stephen, and it was wonderful to get a t shirt - i will SO be turning into a groupie for scarlett december. They're VERY cute...all long hair and argyle sweaters. AWwww....i just wanted to pinch their cheeks...
i'm happy because I'm getting better. I'm HAPPY. and who would have thought finally finding out whether or not Adam was coming would do this? (he's not for the record). but it doesn't matter, it's like closure or something. summer was fun...school is fun...next summer will be fun, and so on and so on and that's just how life goes.
thank god for people who care enough to tell it how it is...ie briney and amanda. every moment deserves my full attention. i can't live in segments. yay now I know. and it makes me Happy. Glad. Pleased. Contented. Delighted. Joyful. Cheery. Lighthearted. Thrilled. Gleeful. Elated. Jubilant.On top of the world. On cloud nine. Tickled pink. (haha those were in the Dictionary hahah). | | |
| I read Dreamland again last night (by sarah dessen) in about an hour and a half and it made me cry with self-pity.
In the novel, Caitlin, the protagonist, finds herself spiralling downward after her sister runs away. She falls into love (literally, "it just happens") with a boy who actually needs her (his father hits him when he's mad - which is alot), thus when he begins to hit her (she blames it on his possesive-ness and that makes it semi-endearing), she just keeps quiet - because she loves him, because she's sleeping with him, because she's afraid that if she doesn't hang on tight, the only guy who'll ever complete her will go away and no one else will ever be interested in her. The novel culminates with Rogerson (the boy) knocking her to the ground and proceeding to beat her in front of her house, causing a scene that the neighbor witnesses (calls the police) and that eventually draws the attention of every one at her house (april fools party), including her parents who freak out when they see what's happening.
Here's the unexplainable part: I was crying because I'm jealous of Caitlin. For this reason: her boyfirend was THERE, even if he was beating the crap out of her, at least she wasn't alone, missing him what seems like every minute. Because the more a persons heart breaks because of another person, the more they need that person and love (?) that person...because even when you are surrounded by the people you've loved the longest and the most, you feel completely alone. Because even when great days come along, warming your heart deliciously, you can't help but shiver at night, feeling empty remembering, breath by breath, kiss by kiss, greater days when you weren't alone. | | |
| - Dickie Roberts is actually a good movie...if you're into David Spade, which I am. I love that man. Tommy Boy, Black Sheep...I'll admit it helped to have chris farley by his side but whateva'...he's still funny.
I'm feeling totally lazy because I didn't go for a run today, so I think I'll get up early tomorrow morning and run the coastal trail. I like it. I'll bring Pepper...yes, that will be fun.
*not the gloves, anything but the gloves!*
This was a very anti-clamatic (or however you spell it) day. Birthday-ish, fight with parents, and a KILLER anatomy test. But it's getting better, because I already spent an obcene amount of money on eye-liner, shadow, lip-gloss, and more girly-items. Yess.....
*hey stallions, I've got a message for you...and it goes like this: "I wanna be bad with you...you make me feel so good, I'm losing all my cool, I'm about to break the rules, I-I wanna be bad..." Cough, cough...SLUT* | | |
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